If you or someone you know are a parent to multiple kids you more than likely have experience sibling rivalry, I know I have and here are some tips that can be used to lessen or eliminate it altogether.
1-Love Your Children and Don’t Show Favoritism.
Ask any son or daughter who the favorite child is in the family and you may get an answer—pointing to the rival. Sibling favoritism offends and infects the heart of a child and leads to feelings of inferiority, anger, resentment, and even bitterness.
The Bible story of Esau and Jacob is a prime example of how favoritism damages a family. We learn in the book of Genesis that the father of the boys, Isaac, preferred Esau while the mother favored Jacob (25:28). This led to deceit between the parents and to Jacob’s stealing Esau’s birthright and blessing.
In many families there is no favoritism, and you must challenge your children’s false belief that there is. You know that you love each of your children completely, but that you also have a different relationship and behave differently with each one. It is essential to know each child’s particular love language and to communicate your love in that style. You must constantly discuss this essential difference in how people receive love until your children get it—which may not be until adulthood or when they themselves have children.
2-Don’t Compare
Most siblings are already very sensitive to the competitive aspects of their relationships with brothers and sisters. Instead of asking themselves, How good am I at this? they ask themselves, Am I better than my brother [sister] at this?
It is best for parents to avoid directly comparing their kids to one another. You can comment on your children’s gifts and uniqueness apart from their siblings. For example, while it is good to say, “Jane is great at soccer, and David is a whiz at piano!” it is not good to say “Jane is better than David at soccer, and David kicks Jane’s butt at music.”
3-Counter Jealous Feelings
Often jealousy is at the heart of sibling rivalry. If an older sibling is experiencing jealousy of a younger sibling, try the following techniques:
Help the child verbalize his or her feelings.
When children are able to verbalize their feelings, they are much better equipped to understand them and cope with them. However, verbalizing feelings is not a simple process for children. For example, can you imagine a young child saying, “Mom, Dad, I’ve been feeling a bit neglected and insecure since my little brother came along and I could really use some more attention. Specifically, I would like us to spend more one-on-one time playing games together like we used to.” Yeah right! Children are much more likely to act out their frustrations. Only through practice and coaching can a child learn to describe their emotions and needs verbally.
Kids want attention, and even though it seems backwards, for some children bad attention is better than no attention at all.
Therefore, a good way for parents to improve a child’s behavior is to attend to good and okay behaviors and ignore the bad ones. For example, if your child behaved well while getting her shoes on, tell the child, “Thank you, honey. I am very proud of how good you are. You put on your shoes quietly when asked.” If your child misbehaves by putting up a fuss, ignore the behavior—don’t give her more attention.
Show the child the privileges of age.
All adults recognize that age has its privileges, but kids don’t always see it that way—especially when there’s an infant getting gobs and gobs of attention. Point out all the privileges of age to the older siblings. What are they getting because they are older? If they’re not getting many, give them some!
Hope these help.
Source: AACC
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Settle It
Today we close the series on anger with the last action step, and that is that we must settled the issue.
A plan should be made for follow up, perhaps:
Finding an accountability partner
Individual counseling
Joining an anger management group
Considering medication.
The most important thing is to actively continue spiritual growth if we are going to effectively manage anger. The Bible says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Remember to:
Surrender—to the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16)
Reflect—on the mercy and love God provides (Ephesians 2:4)
Pray—admit to God feelings and regrets (Matthew 5:43-45)
Forgive—choose to let go of resentment and bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Avoid—ruminating and revenge (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 1:13)
Give and receive—mutual respect with those close to you (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Love—even those who anger you (1 Corinthians 13)
Remember—what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger (1 Samuel 19:9-10)
Resolve—the anger issues (Ephesians 4:26)
Underlying issues such as deep emotional wounds that have been identified in counseling need to be considered. Make plans to work on such issues through additional counseling and support groups.
There is a wonderful conclusion. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Source:AACC
A plan should be made for follow up, perhaps:
Finding an accountability partner
Individual counseling
Joining an anger management group
Considering medication.
The most important thing is to actively continue spiritual growth if we are going to effectively manage anger. The Bible says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Remember to:
Surrender—to the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16)
Reflect—on the mercy and love God provides (Ephesians 2:4)
Pray—admit to God feelings and regrets (Matthew 5:43-45)
Forgive—choose to let go of resentment and bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Avoid—ruminating and revenge (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 1:13)
Give and receive—mutual respect with those close to you (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Love—even those who anger you (1 Corinthians 13)
Remember—what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger (1 Samuel 19:9-10)
Resolve—the anger issues (Ephesians 4:26)
Underlying issues such as deep emotional wounds that have been identified in counseling need to be considered. Make plans to work on such issues through additional counseling and support groups.
There is a wonderful conclusion. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Source:AACC
Monday, October 18, 2010
Control It
As we keep looking for ways to deal with anger, here are more tips and action steps:
Respond (rational action), don’t react (emotional retort).
Maintain a healthy distance until you can speak constructively (James 1:19).
Confront to restore, not to destroy.
Empathize (yelling is a failure to empathize). Speak slowly and quietly (makes yelling difficult).
Surrender the right for revenge (Romans 12:19).
If anger begins to escalate to wrath or fury, that is not the time to engage in interactions with others. Instead, temporarily redirect your energy to solo activities, or re-establish calm, before confronting others.
Remember that the Bible also tells us that we must not let the sun go down on our anger.
Source: AACC
Respond (rational action), don’t react (emotional retort).
Maintain a healthy distance until you can speak constructively (James 1:19).
Confront to restore, not to destroy.
Empathize (yelling is a failure to empathize). Speak slowly and quietly (makes yelling difficult).
Surrender the right for revenge (Romans 12:19).
If anger begins to escalate to wrath or fury, that is not the time to engage in interactions with others. Instead, temporarily redirect your energy to solo activities, or re-establish calm, before confronting others.
Remember that the Bible also tells us that we must not let the sun go down on our anger.
Source: AACC
Friday, October 15, 2010
Anger
Sometimes we as Christians feel that it is wrong to feel anger, we somehow feel it's unspiritual. Well we will never be "anger free" so then what do we do? Our goal should be to learn how to control our response to present anger: both the emotional and biological arousals that anger may cause.
Here are some action steps:
See It
Focus on the source of the anger. List the triggers. Until you can control the anger, avoid the triggers as much as possible.
Learn to identify anger before it is out of control.
Identify angry feelings while they are still minor. State out loud, “I’m feeling angry right now.”
Be aware of the first warning signs of anger, which may be physical changes. Anger promotes a sympathetic nervous system response (a physical state of readiness) and the following biological changes: rising heart rate and blood pressure, amplified alertness, tensed muscles, dilated pupils, digestion clenched fists, flared nostrils, bulged veins.
Step number two is to:
Delay It
Take a “time out”; temporarily disengage from the situation if possible (20-minute minimum).
Perform light exercise until the intensity of anger is manageable.
“Write, don’t fight”; jot down troubling thoughts. This exercise is personal and writings should be kept private, possibly destroyed, not sent.
Talk with a trusted friend who is unrelated to the anger-provoking situation: Don’t just vent—ask for constructive advice.
Pray about the anger, asking God to show you insight.
Read proverbs 16:32, "It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city". And Proverbs 29:11, A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. -Proverbs 29:11.
Hope these tips help, I'll be posting more of them soon.
Source: AACC
Here are some action steps:
See It
Focus on the source of the anger. List the triggers. Until you can control the anger, avoid the triggers as much as possible.
Learn to identify anger before it is out of control.
Identify angry feelings while they are still minor. State out loud, “I’m feeling angry right now.”
Be aware of the first warning signs of anger, which may be physical changes. Anger promotes a sympathetic nervous system response (a physical state of readiness) and the following biological changes: rising heart rate and blood pressure, amplified alertness, tensed muscles, dilated pupils, digestion clenched fists, flared nostrils, bulged veins.
Step number two is to:
Delay It
Take a “time out”; temporarily disengage from the situation if possible (20-minute minimum).
Perform light exercise until the intensity of anger is manageable.
“Write, don’t fight”; jot down troubling thoughts. This exercise is personal and writings should be kept private, possibly destroyed, not sent.
Talk with a trusted friend who is unrelated to the anger-provoking situation: Don’t just vent—ask for constructive advice.
Pray about the anger, asking God to show you insight.
Read proverbs 16:32, "It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city". And Proverbs 29:11, A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. -Proverbs 29:11.
Hope these tips help, I'll be posting more of them soon.
Source: AACC
Monday, October 11, 2010
Redeeming Our Time
Imagine that you were given $86,400 a day, every day, for the rest of your life. Suppose you could receive that amount every day…but with a catch. You have to SPEND it every day. Do you think you could do it? We could probably have a lot of fun trying!
God gives you 24 hours every day. That’s 1440 minutes a day. Or 86,400 seconds…every day of your life. He makes that deposit in your life daily. But there is a catch: You have to SPEND it…all of it…every day. And guess what? You do…
Time, it is our most precious commodity. Wouldn’t you like to be able to buy back a day…or a week…or better yet a whole year? The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 5, admonishes us to “be careful how we walk…redeeming the time…(Vs 15 & 16)NKJV”. The word redeeming carries the implication of “buying up for oneself”, just like Christ has “redeemed” us. It means to consider “time” so precious that we are never wasteful of a moment.
Stop, look and see…where does your time go? Show me where you spend your time, and I will show you where your heart is. Golf? T.V.? Emails? Texting? Facebook? Twittering? Surfing the web? Are the “things” in your life stealing time that should be spent in relationships? A relationship with your husband or wife? Time with your kids? Or even more importantly, how about the intimate time growing your relationship with God? Not for study. Not to prepare for teaching a class. But simply because you need to be in His presence. One on one. His heart to your heart to Hunger and Thirst for Him. Redeem your time. Why? Because there are obstacles in the way.
Source: AACC
God gives you 24 hours every day. That’s 1440 minutes a day. Or 86,400 seconds…every day of your life. He makes that deposit in your life daily. But there is a catch: You have to SPEND it…all of it…every day. And guess what? You do…
Time, it is our most precious commodity. Wouldn’t you like to be able to buy back a day…or a week…or better yet a whole year? The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 5, admonishes us to “be careful how we walk…redeeming the time…(Vs 15 & 16)NKJV”. The word redeeming carries the implication of “buying up for oneself”, just like Christ has “redeemed” us. It means to consider “time” so precious that we are never wasteful of a moment.
Stop, look and see…where does your time go? Show me where you spend your time, and I will show you where your heart is. Golf? T.V.? Emails? Texting? Facebook? Twittering? Surfing the web? Are the “things” in your life stealing time that should be spent in relationships? A relationship with your husband or wife? Time with your kids? Or even more importantly, how about the intimate time growing your relationship with God? Not for study. Not to prepare for teaching a class. But simply because you need to be in His presence. One on one. His heart to your heart to Hunger and Thirst for Him. Redeem your time. Why? Because there are obstacles in the way.
Source: AACC
Monday, October 4, 2010
REFINE YOUR SKILLS
This is the last installment of the tips we have been learning to help us become better teachers, refining our skills.
Sometimes the more we use our voices while trying to discipline, the less effective they become. In other words, when we talk too much, children begin to tune us out. Instead, use these techniques.
Offer focused attention. Ever noticed that children seem to act up whenever you're crunched for time, short on help, or expecting a classroom guest? Children are very sensitive to our moods and can tell when we're under the most pressure. If you ignore or isolate them or, even worse, yell at them-the problems escalate and no one wins. The best solution is to stop and give children your undivided attention or, if they're young, simply hold them.
Move slowly and maintain eye contact. Look into children's eyes and truly focus on them, just as Jesus did. Avoid turning your back on a child you've just disciplined; otherwise, you may inadvertently set yourself up for round two.
Act detached from the deed, not from the children. Don't take children's misbehaviors personally. Pretend you're trying to win an Academy Award in detachment. As you begin acting that way, you'll actually start feeling that way.
When you do speak, pray that God will give you the right words and the right tone of voice. Our voices tend to go up when we're upset, which makes it harder for children to take us seriously. Instead, stair-step your voice down and use visual clues along with your words. As you state what you want children to do, nod your head and smile. As you state what you don't want them to do, shake your head "no."
Close the matter properly. Verify whether children understand you. Then ask kids to apologize to others involved, realizing that they may not. Don't force apologies; repentance is a learned skill. Even so, it's important to set forth the expectation that kids will apologize when they've hurt someone. Train children in the habit of apologizing and trust God to change their hearts.
Keep your sense of humor. Humor is an important principle of discipline because it helps us put things into perspective. Often we have to step back, take a few deep breaths, and pray that God will show us the lighter side of a situation. With little children who are squirmy and inattentive, you could say, "Did you eat wiggle worms for breakfast? I know you must've had silly cereal!" With older kids, you could say, "Is this my life, or am I in a TV show-because I'm ready for a commercial break!" Humor isn't for kids only; it helps us see the funny side, too.
When you have an established, loving discipline strategy, children feel secure and are able to learn more. And teaching becomes a joy, not a chore.
Source: Group
Sometimes the more we use our voices while trying to discipline, the less effective they become. In other words, when we talk too much, children begin to tune us out. Instead, use these techniques.
Offer focused attention. Ever noticed that children seem to act up whenever you're crunched for time, short on help, or expecting a classroom guest? Children are very sensitive to our moods and can tell when we're under the most pressure. If you ignore or isolate them or, even worse, yell at them-the problems escalate and no one wins. The best solution is to stop and give children your undivided attention or, if they're young, simply hold them.
Move slowly and maintain eye contact. Look into children's eyes and truly focus on them, just as Jesus did. Avoid turning your back on a child you've just disciplined; otherwise, you may inadvertently set yourself up for round two.
Act detached from the deed, not from the children. Don't take children's misbehaviors personally. Pretend you're trying to win an Academy Award in detachment. As you begin acting that way, you'll actually start feeling that way.
When you do speak, pray that God will give you the right words and the right tone of voice. Our voices tend to go up when we're upset, which makes it harder for children to take us seriously. Instead, stair-step your voice down and use visual clues along with your words. As you state what you want children to do, nod your head and smile. As you state what you don't want them to do, shake your head "no."
Close the matter properly. Verify whether children understand you. Then ask kids to apologize to others involved, realizing that they may not. Don't force apologies; repentance is a learned skill. Even so, it's important to set forth the expectation that kids will apologize when they've hurt someone. Train children in the habit of apologizing and trust God to change their hearts.
Keep your sense of humor. Humor is an important principle of discipline because it helps us put things into perspective. Often we have to step back, take a few deep breaths, and pray that God will show us the lighter side of a situation. With little children who are squirmy and inattentive, you could say, "Did you eat wiggle worms for breakfast? I know you must've had silly cereal!" With older kids, you could say, "Is this my life, or am I in a TV show-because I'm ready for a commercial break!" Humor isn't for kids only; it helps us see the funny side, too.
When you have an established, loving discipline strategy, children feel secure and are able to learn more. And teaching becomes a joy, not a chore.
Source: Group
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