In Matthew 6, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus encouraged His followers by identifying three opportunities that every Christian can, and should, participate in.
“When you give…” (vs 2)
“When you pray…” (vs 2)
“When you fast…” (vs 2)
Much today exists on the subjects of giving and praying, but very little is said about fasting. And yet, probably the most profound lesson found in the life of Jesus was His 40 day fast in the wilderness. Immanuel God with us abstained from food and pressed in with His Father to prepare not only for the temptation that would follow, but also for the days of ministry ahead. As we face the challenges of this life, this mindset of Christ should be ours as well.
Fasting is truly the source of great power in these three “D’s” of your spiritual journey:
Discipline. In 1 Corinthians 9 the Apostle Paul uses athletics as an illustration to describe a disciplined life. In verse 25, a great competitor “exercises self-control” (NASV). Today, in the Church in America, too often “King Stomach” is on the throne, and controls most of what we think and do. We plan our lives around meals. Fasting disciplines us to “just say no” to the flesh. When we get to the place where we lay aside the “natural” desire for food, we begin to learn the discipline of putting on the “spiritual” desire our critical need to go deeper with God.
Discernment. “And when they had appointed elders for them in every church, with prayer and fasting…” Acts 14:23 (ESV) Fasting coupled with prayer gave the early church discernment as they made leadership choices. Rather than making a decision, and then asking God to bless it, they discerned the heart and mind of God and then acted on it. One has to wonder how that might work today.
Direction. Jehoshaphat was in deep trouble. A “great multitude” of the enemy was coming against him. Overwhelming odds were stacked against him. And “Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the Lord; and proclaimed a fast throughout ALL Judah.” 2 Chronicles 20:3 (NASV) All of Jerusalem and Judah fell down before the Lord. God then gave them clear directions and they watched as the enemy literally destroyed themselves. Better than that (if that is possible) it took the people 3 days to gather all of the loot!!
“Fasting positions you to discern the difference between your thoughts and God’s thoughts. There is no higher authority than to know the heart of God for a situation you are facing. His Word is final.”
Start practicing the big three, Give, pray, and fast. It might just turn your life around.
Source:AACC
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Basics
A husband and wife were driving down a country road. In the midst of a heated disagreement, everything went totally quiet. As they crested the top of a hill, there was a pasture filled with cows, goats and pigs. The husband looked over at his wife and sarcastically remarked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep” she replied… “In-laws.” (lol).
Despite all that we know about love and relationships, the divorce rate is somewhere between 40 and 50% of those who actually get married today. And sadly, behind closed doors in the quiet corners of lots of hearts, resides profound sorrow. Pain from love gone bad.
Money, loss, work demands, illness, differences, expectations, so much works against our love and marriages. Solomon said that enjoying life with the woman whom we love all the days of our lives was our reward in life. (Ecclesiastes 9:9) More often than not, marriage can feel like anything but a reward. How can we get back to this place in our love and relationships?
When a basketball player struggles to find his 3 point shot, it’s important to get back to the foul line. He must work on the fundamentals and rhythm of his game to get his shot back. At the heart of every successful marriage you will find:
God. Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”(NASV) God must be the center of your home. Not just knowing about Him, but abiding in an intimate relationship with Him. And not just as an individual, but as a couple. In the well known marriage “triangle concept”, with husband and wife on the two bottom corners and God at the apex, as a husband and wife move toward God, they get closer to each other.
Love. 1 John 3:18 “…let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.” (ESV) As trite as it may sound, it is all about “the love”. Remember, love is not a feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a choice. We must choose every day, in “word and in deed”, to show love and kindness to our spouse. Make sure she or he knows that you love them.
Blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 “Not returning…insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.” (NASV) Your words are important. They will either speak life into your marriage, or death. Instead of bickering back and forth, speak words of blessing into each other’s lives. Here’s the key; honor not expressed, is not honor.
This Valentine’s Day, get back to the basics so that you won’t “miss” what God has for your marriage.
Source:AACC
Despite all that we know about love and relationships, the divorce rate is somewhere between 40 and 50% of those who actually get married today. And sadly, behind closed doors in the quiet corners of lots of hearts, resides profound sorrow. Pain from love gone bad.
Money, loss, work demands, illness, differences, expectations, so much works against our love and marriages. Solomon said that enjoying life with the woman whom we love all the days of our lives was our reward in life. (Ecclesiastes 9:9) More often than not, marriage can feel like anything but a reward. How can we get back to this place in our love and relationships?
When a basketball player struggles to find his 3 point shot, it’s important to get back to the foul line. He must work on the fundamentals and rhythm of his game to get his shot back. At the heart of every successful marriage you will find:
God. Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”(NASV) God must be the center of your home. Not just knowing about Him, but abiding in an intimate relationship with Him. And not just as an individual, but as a couple. In the well known marriage “triangle concept”, with husband and wife on the two bottom corners and God at the apex, as a husband and wife move toward God, they get closer to each other.
Love. 1 John 3:18 “…let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.” (ESV) As trite as it may sound, it is all about “the love”. Remember, love is not a feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a choice. We must choose every day, in “word and in deed”, to show love and kindness to our spouse. Make sure she or he knows that you love them.
Blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 “Not returning…insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.” (NASV) Your words are important. They will either speak life into your marriage, or death. Instead of bickering back and forth, speak words of blessing into each other’s lives. Here’s the key; honor not expressed, is not honor.
This Valentine’s Day, get back to the basics so that you won’t “miss” what God has for your marriage.
Source:AACC
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
“Opportunity’s favorite disguise is trouble.” -Frank Tyger
Trouble: between a rock and a hard place, when life isn’t the way it is supposed to be. Ever been there? It’s been said that there are only three types of people, those who have just come out of trouble, are in the middle of trouble, or, are somewhere down the road, headed into trouble. Life’s like that.
The children of Israel experienced times of great heartache and trouble. Granted, most often it was brought on by their own actions. Invariably however, these times became opportunities for God to teach His people to trust their true King. Psalm 46 is actually a song to be sung to God in times of trouble. Within it we find amazing expressions of opportunity.
Our responsibility? Press in to God. Vs. 1 declares that “God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble.”(NASV). In an emergency we “dial” 911. In times of trouble we can “dial” Psalm 91:1. When we dwell in the shelter of God, we will abide in His shadow. A place of refuge. And God is not just present. He is very present. The closer a train gets, the louder it becomes. The greater the trouble, the “louder” the presence of God.
Rest and relax. As difficult as it may seem when you are being pounded by trouble, God wants you to “Be still” and know that He is God (vs. 10 KJ). Let go, drop your hands, let Him be who He is, GOD. Take the opportunity to watch Him do what you could never do in your own strength.
Our response to trouble?
Don’t fear. “Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea” (vs. 2 NASV). No matter what happens, He is in the midst of it. And Paul reminds us “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7 (KJV). Trouble is an opportunity to draw near to God as He draws near to us, without fear.
Trouble. While you will probably never welcome it (me either), you will, over time, learn to embrace it as a window for opportunity.
Source:AACC
Trouble: between a rock and a hard place, when life isn’t the way it is supposed to be. Ever been there? It’s been said that there are only three types of people, those who have just come out of trouble, are in the middle of trouble, or, are somewhere down the road, headed into trouble. Life’s like that.
The children of Israel experienced times of great heartache and trouble. Granted, most often it was brought on by their own actions. Invariably however, these times became opportunities for God to teach His people to trust their true King. Psalm 46 is actually a song to be sung to God in times of trouble. Within it we find amazing expressions of opportunity.
Our responsibility? Press in to God. Vs. 1 declares that “God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble.”(NASV). In an emergency we “dial” 911. In times of trouble we can “dial” Psalm 91:1. When we dwell in the shelter of God, we will abide in His shadow. A place of refuge. And God is not just present. He is very present. The closer a train gets, the louder it becomes. The greater the trouble, the “louder” the presence of God.
Rest and relax. As difficult as it may seem when you are being pounded by trouble, God wants you to “Be still” and know that He is God (vs. 10 KJ). Let go, drop your hands, let Him be who He is, GOD. Take the opportunity to watch Him do what you could never do in your own strength.
Our response to trouble?
Don’t fear. “Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea” (vs. 2 NASV). No matter what happens, He is in the midst of it. And Paul reminds us “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7 (KJV). Trouble is an opportunity to draw near to God as He draws near to us, without fear.
Trouble. While you will probably never welcome it (me either), you will, over time, learn to embrace it as a window for opportunity.
Source:AACC
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Be a Doer
“Que Sera Sera”… Whatever will be, will be. Or will it. Some resign themselves to a life of depending on fate. Others follow the thinking of Edmund Burke who said, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
During the Revolutionary war in 1776, the American forces were so outnumbered that they were forced to retreat from New York. A retreat which did not end until the crossing of the Delaware River at Trenton. With severely reduced forces who were scantily clothed and poorly armed, the American troops were horribly depressed. Washington did not give up hope, and Henry Knox followed his lead, there would be no reason for despondency. It was on Christmas night that Washington made the decision to cross the Delaware, directed by Knox, to surprise the Hessian forces at Trenton, capturing 1000 men as well as supplies. This event gave a much needed boost to the American morale and, most believe, changed the course of the war.
Life may have a strangle hold on you, but don’t give in to a spirit of defeat. Don’t quit! Pray, watch and wait expectantly for the Lord. And get some “fight” back in you. When Nehemiah was carrying out God’s call to rebuild the walls and gates of Jerusalem, enemies plotted to thwart the work. In the face of discouragement, Nehemiah energizes the people with, “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.” Nehemiah 4:14 (NASV) And get this… 52 days later the wall was complete.
The Lord, who is great and awesome, is also on your side. Fighting with you for your home, your family, your life. The great Apostle Paul says it this way, “Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, DO!” Phil 4:9 (KJV) And then the peace of God will flow, from the God of peace, into your heart and life.
Source:AACC
During the Revolutionary war in 1776, the American forces were so outnumbered that they were forced to retreat from New York. A retreat which did not end until the crossing of the Delaware River at Trenton. With severely reduced forces who were scantily clothed and poorly armed, the American troops were horribly depressed. Washington did not give up hope, and Henry Knox followed his lead, there would be no reason for despondency. It was on Christmas night that Washington made the decision to cross the Delaware, directed by Knox, to surprise the Hessian forces at Trenton, capturing 1000 men as well as supplies. This event gave a much needed boost to the American morale and, most believe, changed the course of the war.
Life may have a strangle hold on you, but don’t give in to a spirit of defeat. Don’t quit! Pray, watch and wait expectantly for the Lord. And get some “fight” back in you. When Nehemiah was carrying out God’s call to rebuild the walls and gates of Jerusalem, enemies plotted to thwart the work. In the face of discouragement, Nehemiah energizes the people with, “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.” Nehemiah 4:14 (NASV) And get this… 52 days later the wall was complete.
The Lord, who is great and awesome, is also on your side. Fighting with you for your home, your family, your life. The great Apostle Paul says it this way, “Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, DO!” Phil 4:9 (KJV) And then the peace of God will flow, from the God of peace, into your heart and life.
Source:AACC
Friday, January 14, 2011
What A Difference A Letter Makes
Picture this, a desert. Hot, dry and uninviting. Now add something very small. The letter “s”. What do you have? Dessert. You decide, chocolate cake?, apple pie? The little things can make all the difference in the world!
F. B. Meyer once said, “Do not try to do a great thing; you may waste all your time waiting for the opportunity which may never come. But since little things are always claiming your attention, do them, for the Glory of God.”
The Apostle Paul encouraged the Colossians to be faithful in everything they did. Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (ESV) In verse 23 Paul enhances this concept – “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”
Giving the kids a bath, showing up at the game, dropping a note to a friend, listening to someone share their heart as you leave church. What about those seemingly unnoticed tasks at work? Ecclesiastes 9:10 reminds us, “Whatever your hand finds to do, verily, do it with all your might.”
Don’t let the small routine activities become ruts and rob you of your joy. You might try something simple like “whistling while you work.” Proverbs 17:22, “A joyful heart is good medicine…” (ESV) Change your perspective this week. View the “small things” in your life as deeds done directly for the Lord. Maybe no one sees what you do but God. The good news is that you always have an “Audience of One”. He sees what you think goes unnoticed.
In Luke 19:12-17, when the servant was faithful in the very little thing, the master then gave him ten cities to rule over. Details left undone can cause the wheels to come flying off. The little things will forever be clamoring for your attention. Do them well, it just might change your desert into dessert.
Source:AACC
F. B. Meyer once said, “Do not try to do a great thing; you may waste all your time waiting for the opportunity which may never come. But since little things are always claiming your attention, do them, for the Glory of God.”
The Apostle Paul encouraged the Colossians to be faithful in everything they did. Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (ESV) In verse 23 Paul enhances this concept – “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”
Giving the kids a bath, showing up at the game, dropping a note to a friend, listening to someone share their heart as you leave church. What about those seemingly unnoticed tasks at work? Ecclesiastes 9:10 reminds us, “Whatever your hand finds to do, verily, do it with all your might.”
Don’t let the small routine activities become ruts and rob you of your joy. You might try something simple like “whistling while you work.” Proverbs 17:22, “A joyful heart is good medicine…” (ESV) Change your perspective this week. View the “small things” in your life as deeds done directly for the Lord. Maybe no one sees what you do but God. The good news is that you always have an “Audience of One”. He sees what you think goes unnoticed.
In Luke 19:12-17, when the servant was faithful in the very little thing, the master then gave him ten cities to rule over. Details left undone can cause the wheels to come flying off. The little things will forever be clamoring for your attention. Do them well, it just might change your desert into dessert.
Source:AACC
Friday, January 7, 2011
GPS
“Inga”. “Freeda”. Even “Thomas”. Names given to the voices on the GPS in practically every car. Voices that help get you where you want to go. There never seems to be any hesitation or doubt to their instructions. In fact, make the inadvertent wrong turn and you will hear, “At the next available location, make a U-turn.” Or, my personal favorite, “Recalculating”. These little devices are constantly assessing where you are and if you are headed in the right direction.
The New Year seems to be the right time for so many to make changes in their lives. A time to reassess and recalculate. Look at these practical “G.P.S.” recommendations to help get you started:
Goals. Remember the old saying, “If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time”? Very true. Goals should be personal. They should be realistic. Most importantly, set goals that matter and reflect God’s heart. 1 Kings 8:61 “Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the LORD our God…” (NASV) Even the best of goals, however, need a plan.
Plans. This is where the rubber meets the road. A goal is the destination. Plans are the map to get you there. Great hitters in baseball don’t just happen. You will find them at the cage taking 3…4…even 5 hundred swings a day. Be specific in your plans, and then stick to them. “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance…” Proverbs 21:5 (ESV) Even the greatest plans will fail however, without a strategy.
Strategy. The Web defines strategy as “an elaborate and systematic plan of action”. It’s what I do to execute my plans,to reach my goals. The best strategies are written down and placed where you can see them everyday,all day. After the Lord spoke to Habakkuk, He then confirmed His word by directing Habakkuk to “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets.” Habakkuk 2:2 (NASV) Strategies in written form will keep you on track.
So there you have it, GPS,Goals, Plans and Strategies…Let’s roll!!
Source:AACC
The New Year seems to be the right time for so many to make changes in their lives. A time to reassess and recalculate. Look at these practical “G.P.S.” recommendations to help get you started:
Goals. Remember the old saying, “If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time”? Very true. Goals should be personal. They should be realistic. Most importantly, set goals that matter and reflect God’s heart. 1 Kings 8:61 “Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the LORD our God…” (NASV) Even the best of goals, however, need a plan.
Plans. This is where the rubber meets the road. A goal is the destination. Plans are the map to get you there. Great hitters in baseball don’t just happen. You will find them at the cage taking 3…4…even 5 hundred swings a day. Be specific in your plans, and then stick to them. “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance…” Proverbs 21:5 (ESV) Even the greatest plans will fail however, without a strategy.
Strategy. The Web defines strategy as “an elaborate and systematic plan of action”. It’s what I do to execute my plans,to reach my goals. The best strategies are written down and placed where you can see them everyday,all day. After the Lord spoke to Habakkuk, He then confirmed His word by directing Habakkuk to “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets.” Habakkuk 2:2 (NASV) Strategies in written form will keep you on track.
So there you have it, GPS,Goals, Plans and Strategies…Let’s roll!!
Source:AACC
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New day, New you.
Dieting. Reading the Bible. Spending time with family. Finally getting to that “bucket list”. It’s that time of year when “change is in the air”. Most of us don’t have trouble making New Year’s Resolutions. It’s the “keeping them” part that gets us. In fact, 40 to 45 percent of people do make a New Year’s Resolution, and while it is true that 97% of resolutions are never fulfilled, 75% do make it past the first week, and 46% make it past the six month mark.
As we start this New Year, there are three “C’s” in Psalm 37 that can offer some encouragement to help create your “breakthrough” year!
Commit
Psalm 37:5 “Commit your way to the LORD; Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Every morning, noon and night (Ps. 55:17) give your desires, plans and goals to Him. Ask Him to bring strength and light to your journey.
Confess
Often, when we think of confession, we turn to 1 John 1:9 which deals with confession of sin. While this is important in the life of a Christian, we should also consider confession to the Lord of our deep need for Him. In verses 39 & 40 of Psalm 37, David acknowledges “the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble. And the LORD helps them, and delivers them…”(NAS) Confess to Him that you cannot “do life” without His help.
Confidence
David reminds us in verse 25 of the whole hearted confidence that He had in the Lord…“I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or His descendants begging bread.”(NAS) Such a bold perspective caused David to look expectantly to the Lord. In 1 Samuel 30, even when all was lost at Ziklag, David “strengthened himself in the Lord his God” (vs 6 NASV). He then “inquired of the LORD” (vs 8 NASV), believing that the LORD would hear and answer him. And He did…
As you set new goals, and face new horizons, come with a “spirit of expectation” to hear from, and be encouraged by God.
Sounds like a formula to help you join the “3%” club. New day…New you…
Source:AACC
As we start this New Year, there are three “C’s” in Psalm 37 that can offer some encouragement to help create your “breakthrough” year!
Commit
Psalm 37:5 “Commit your way to the LORD; Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Every morning, noon and night (Ps. 55:17) give your desires, plans and goals to Him. Ask Him to bring strength and light to your journey.
Confess
Often, when we think of confession, we turn to 1 John 1:9 which deals with confession of sin. While this is important in the life of a Christian, we should also consider confession to the Lord of our deep need for Him. In verses 39 & 40 of Psalm 37, David acknowledges “the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble. And the LORD helps them, and delivers them…”(NAS) Confess to Him that you cannot “do life” without His help.
Confidence
David reminds us in verse 25 of the whole hearted confidence that He had in the Lord…“I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or His descendants begging bread.”(NAS) Such a bold perspective caused David to look expectantly to the Lord. In 1 Samuel 30, even when all was lost at Ziklag, David “strengthened himself in the Lord his God” (vs 6 NASV). He then “inquired of the LORD” (vs 8 NASV), believing that the LORD would hear and answer him. And He did…
As you set new goals, and face new horizons, come with a “spirit of expectation” to hear from, and be encouraged by God.
Sounds like a formula to help you join the “3%” club. New day…New you…
Source:AACC
Thursday, December 23, 2010
His Birthday
Imagine your next birthday party. Ribbons, boxes and bows. Decorations are hung everywhere. Then you are lead over to a corner and sat on a small chair. You watch as everyone begins to hand each other birthday cards and gifts. They open them with surprise and excitement. It’s joyous. Periodically, someone looks over your way, waves, and says “Happy Birthday!”
The prophet Isaiah prophesied that a child would be born (9:6). Then, as if to call attention to the monumental importance of this child, he went on to say that a son would be given. Why? “For this is how God loved the world, that He gave His only son…”John 3:16 Jesus, God’s only son, born of a virgin, simply in an effort to show the world how much God loved them. And this was no haphazard birth. It was no accident. The Apostle Paul proclaims in Galatians 4 that “…when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His son… so that we might receive adoption as sons.” (vs 4 &5 ESV) God’s only son, given so that we too might be called sons and daughters of God. Amazing.
And yet, perhaps the saddest verse in all of the Bible is John 1:11 “He came unto His own, and His own received Him not.” (KJV) Jesus was born in the shadow of the cross.
And so we celebrate Christmas. The birth of Christ. God’s “unspeakable” gift. Given freely, at exactly the right time. And we too often leave Him out.
This year, keep Christ in your Christmas,be sure to read Matthew’s and Luke’s account of His birth. Sing Noel. Stand up when you hear the Hallelujah Chorus…Make His story…THE story…
Merry Christmas!!
Source: AACC
The prophet Isaiah prophesied that a child would be born (9:6). Then, as if to call attention to the monumental importance of this child, he went on to say that a son would be given. Why? “For this is how God loved the world, that He gave His only son…”John 3:16 Jesus, God’s only son, born of a virgin, simply in an effort to show the world how much God loved them. And this was no haphazard birth. It was no accident. The Apostle Paul proclaims in Galatians 4 that “…when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His son… so that we might receive adoption as sons.” (vs 4 &5 ESV) God’s only son, given so that we too might be called sons and daughters of God. Amazing.
And yet, perhaps the saddest verse in all of the Bible is John 1:11 “He came unto His own, and His own received Him not.” (KJV) Jesus was born in the shadow of the cross.
And so we celebrate Christmas. The birth of Christ. God’s “unspeakable” gift. Given freely, at exactly the right time. And we too often leave Him out.
This year, keep Christ in your Christmas,be sure to read Matthew’s and Luke’s account of His birth. Sing Noel. Stand up when you hear the Hallelujah Chorus…Make His story…THE story…
Merry Christmas!!
Source: AACC
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Carrying the Holiday Load
Santa may get the credit, but guess who’s handling most of the work and worry during the Christmas season? The children’s stories all tell of Santa’s workshop full of happy, toy building elves. But back to real life, the true superstars at Christmas are not elves, but women. Wives, mothers, daughters. Tireless workers who selflessly keep going hour after hour. They shoulder most of the holiday load. An enormous undertaking that is stacked on top of the normal everyday strain,kids,housework,jobs, caregiving.
While the holidays always bring an intensified focus on family demands and money, this added stress is felt more by women. Recently, an American Psychological Association (APA) survey found that women are more likely than men to report heightened stress levels during the holiday season. They’re also less likely to take time to relax or manage that stress in healthy ways. I guess you could say there simply aren’t enough hours in her day to get it all done.
Hey, rest of the family,Let’s give her a hand (and I’m not talking about applause). Maybe shopping, or wrapping gifts isn’t your thing (mine either), but you could help around the house. Make a bed. Wash the dishes. Walk the dog. Look for things to do that will say to her, “You are appreciated and valued…” the Apostle Paul reminds all of us to give honor to whom honor is due (Romans 13:7 NASV). That starts with the Christ of Christmas. Celebrate God’s unspeakable gift. And let’s also remember that the women in our lives certainly deserve honor. Give her room and space to do what she does best!
Who knows,it might just help turn this Christmas around.
Source:AACC,APA
While the holidays always bring an intensified focus on family demands and money, this added stress is felt more by women. Recently, an American Psychological Association (APA) survey found that women are more likely than men to report heightened stress levels during the holiday season. They’re also less likely to take time to relax or manage that stress in healthy ways. I guess you could say there simply aren’t enough hours in her day to get it all done.
Hey, rest of the family,Let’s give her a hand (and I’m not talking about applause). Maybe shopping, or wrapping gifts isn’t your thing (mine either), but you could help around the house. Make a bed. Wash the dishes. Walk the dog. Look for things to do that will say to her, “You are appreciated and valued…” the Apostle Paul reminds all of us to give honor to whom honor is due (Romans 13:7 NASV). That starts with the Christ of Christmas. Celebrate God’s unspeakable gift. And let’s also remember that the women in our lives certainly deserve honor. Give her room and space to do what she does best!
Who knows,it might just help turn this Christmas around.
Source:AACC,APA
Monday, December 13, 2010
FIRST LOVE
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it will never end…”
That’s from the early 1800’s writer Benjamin Disraeli. His “love for life” story is interesting. At 35, kind of old for his generation, he married a very wealthy widow. Years later, Disraeli remarked that he indeed married for money. And his wife replied, “Ugh, but if you had to do it again, you would do it for love.”
If you had to marry all over again, would you? I know that first love often gets covered up with the daily grind, the pace, pain and pressure of modern day life, all of the things that subtlety take precedence over one another.
The Church at Ephesus, busy doing good works, had lost something precious their “first love” for Christ. “I know your works…I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake…But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love that you had at first.” (Rev. 2:2-4 ESV)
Jesus firmly demanded that they come back to that love. “Remember…repent, and do the works you did at first.” (Rev 2:5 ESV)
In fact when asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus basically said, “LOVE”. His answer was to love God with your whole heart…“You shall love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt. 22:37 ESV)
And even more, to love those around you…as much as you love yourself. “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (vs 39ESV)
Is there distance in your “love” for God, or with others? What happened? Who moved? What came between you?
Find that love again. You can!! No, you NEED to. Why? Because “real love” connects us at the heart and changes everything.
Source:AACC
That’s from the early 1800’s writer Benjamin Disraeli. His “love for life” story is interesting. At 35, kind of old for his generation, he married a very wealthy widow. Years later, Disraeli remarked that he indeed married for money. And his wife replied, “Ugh, but if you had to do it again, you would do it for love.”
If you had to marry all over again, would you? I know that first love often gets covered up with the daily grind, the pace, pain and pressure of modern day life, all of the things that subtlety take precedence over one another.
The Church at Ephesus, busy doing good works, had lost something precious their “first love” for Christ. “I know your works…I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake…But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love that you had at first.” (Rev. 2:2-4 ESV)
Jesus firmly demanded that they come back to that love. “Remember…repent, and do the works you did at first.” (Rev 2:5 ESV)
In fact when asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus basically said, “LOVE”. His answer was to love God with your whole heart…“You shall love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt. 22:37 ESV)
And even more, to love those around you…as much as you love yourself. “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (vs 39ESV)
Is there distance in your “love” for God, or with others? What happened? Who moved? What came between you?
Find that love again. You can!! No, you NEED to. Why? Because “real love” connects us at the heart and changes everything.
Source:AACC
Friday, December 10, 2010
From The Horse's Mouth
Ever get a word straight from the horses mouth? A horse survives on three basics…water…food…and a finely tuned fear response. However, the fear factor could be disastrous on a trail ride. Say a snake suddenly appears right in the middle of the trail. A thousand pounds of crazy horse instinctively wants to ignite. Expert trainers teach trail horses to “startle in place”. Ears forward,nostrils flared, eyes wide open,every muscle tensed. But for an instant the horse reacts to fear by standing still. That gives the rider enough time to cue the horse as to exactly what course to take. The rider, not the horse is in control. Fear is a natural instinct. Reacting correctly in the midst of fear, takes discipline and training.
Has something suddenly appeared in your life that has produced intense fear? Do you feel like you don’t know what to do, or where to turn? Do you just want to run away?
Jesus’ disciples once encountered this kind of paralyzing fear. He had just disclosed to them that He was going away. The One who had loved them and walked with them for three years was leaving them behind. Sensing their panic and despondency, Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you…Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27 ESV) Jesus knew fear was natural. He was simply forewarning them to “startle in place”. To be disciplined in their fear response. To allow Him to supply Peace…His Peace.
When the circumstances arise in your life that will incite fear, respond,don’t react. “Startle in place”. Develop a healthy fear response that will allow you to follow His course. Trust in Him with all of your heart. Peace will come.
Source:AACC
Has something suddenly appeared in your life that has produced intense fear? Do you feel like you don’t know what to do, or where to turn? Do you just want to run away?
Jesus’ disciples once encountered this kind of paralyzing fear. He had just disclosed to them that He was going away. The One who had loved them and walked with them for three years was leaving them behind. Sensing their panic and despondency, Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you…Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27 ESV) Jesus knew fear was natural. He was simply forewarning them to “startle in place”. To be disciplined in their fear response. To allow Him to supply Peace…His Peace.
When the circumstances arise in your life that will incite fear, respond,don’t react. “Startle in place”. Develop a healthy fear response that will allow you to follow His course. Trust in Him with all of your heart. Peace will come.
Source:AACC
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Unwanted Holiday Guests
Watch out for these unwanted holiday guests… Stress and Anxiety…
You don’t invite them but they show up, seemingly out of nowhere. Often however, their arrival is a result of these three “R’s”:
Relationships. Conflict between family members can happen anytime. But the holidays seem to heighten our tension levels, or at least our awareness of it. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (ESV) That’s a pretty tough assignment when the “Griswolds” are coming to visit. Do what you can to get along but remember, you are not responsible for the actions and attitudes of anyone but yourself. Smile, and be nice. Laugh, and be nice. Here’s a thought… make amends. Maybe even give forgiveness a try…
Resources. Making ends meet is always a challenge, and especially in today’s economy. Trying to make everybody on your “gift” list happy can be a real “joy”, and send you down the drain… financially and emotionally. Ask yourself these two questions: “Whose birthday is it?” and “What are we really celebrating?” 1 John 4:9-11, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only son into the world, so that we might live through Him… Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (ESV) Your greatest gift is love, His love. So be careful in your attitude and words.
Routine. Extra demands on your time, dietary free-fall, and a lack of rest will jerk the jingle out of you!! 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 reminds us, “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?…For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” Take care of yourself. Rest. Eat right. Exercise. And don’t let the “busyness” rob you of time with your Heavenly Father. Keep your routine. Don’t get off track.
Remember the Christmas miracle? It’s in your heart. Make it all about Jesus this season. When you focus on Him, every “unwanted guest” fades into Peace and Joy.
Source:AACC
You don’t invite them but they show up, seemingly out of nowhere. Often however, their arrival is a result of these three “R’s”:
Relationships. Conflict between family members can happen anytime. But the holidays seem to heighten our tension levels, or at least our awareness of it. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (ESV) That’s a pretty tough assignment when the “Griswolds” are coming to visit. Do what you can to get along but remember, you are not responsible for the actions and attitudes of anyone but yourself. Smile, and be nice. Laugh, and be nice. Here’s a thought… make amends. Maybe even give forgiveness a try…
Resources. Making ends meet is always a challenge, and especially in today’s economy. Trying to make everybody on your “gift” list happy can be a real “joy”, and send you down the drain… financially and emotionally. Ask yourself these two questions: “Whose birthday is it?” and “What are we really celebrating?” 1 John 4:9-11, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only son into the world, so that we might live through Him… Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (ESV) Your greatest gift is love, His love. So be careful in your attitude and words.
Routine. Extra demands on your time, dietary free-fall, and a lack of rest will jerk the jingle out of you!! 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 reminds us, “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?…For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” Take care of yourself. Rest. Eat right. Exercise. And don’t let the “busyness” rob you of time with your Heavenly Father. Keep your routine. Don’t get off track.
Remember the Christmas miracle? It’s in your heart. Make it all about Jesus this season. When you focus on Him, every “unwanted guest” fades into Peace and Joy.
Source:AACC
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Love For Life
“What’s love got to do with it?” Sounds like an old Tina Turner song.
If you asked anyone today, “What makes a great marriage?” most would reply “love”. The problem, however, lies in the fact that very few of us agree on what love really is…
Most marriage experts speak of three core components of love. Passion. That’s the romance, sensual, physical side of love. Intimacy. The side of love that describes that “soul mate”, best friend, emotional love. And then, you really have to have a big dose of Commitment. That’s the willful, “I’m here for you no matter what”, and “I love you because you are you” kind of love. All three are critical for love to grow and flourish.
In that sense, love is a lot like money, you’ve got to make deposits every day in order to be able to make withdrawals from that “love” account. You’re only going to get out of it what you put into it.
In 1 Corinthians 13 the Apostle Paul lists some of the best qualities of love. Qualities worth investing in your “love bank”. Patience…kindness…unselfish actions…humility. The larger your investment, the greater the return.
How’s your love life? Cold? Distant? Neglected? Close? What kind of deposit did you make today? Whatever you “did’ or “didn’t do” sent a message! 1 John 3:18 admonishes us “let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”(ESV)
When relationships tend to go south, someone usually feels like all they do is give, and all the other one does is take. Are you tired of giving? Frustrated because you don’t feel like you are being loved in return? Paul added in the same “love chapter” that love “bears all things…believes all things…hopes all things…and endures all things” (Vs 7 NAS). Difficult? Yes! But a love soaked in grace, and the oil of deep forgiveness, is essential for a “Love for Life”.
Source:AACC
If you asked anyone today, “What makes a great marriage?” most would reply “love”. The problem, however, lies in the fact that very few of us agree on what love really is…
Most marriage experts speak of three core components of love. Passion. That’s the romance, sensual, physical side of love. Intimacy. The side of love that describes that “soul mate”, best friend, emotional love. And then, you really have to have a big dose of Commitment. That’s the willful, “I’m here for you no matter what”, and “I love you because you are you” kind of love. All three are critical for love to grow and flourish.
In that sense, love is a lot like money, you’ve got to make deposits every day in order to be able to make withdrawals from that “love” account. You’re only going to get out of it what you put into it.
In 1 Corinthians 13 the Apostle Paul lists some of the best qualities of love. Qualities worth investing in your “love bank”. Patience…kindness…unselfish actions…humility. The larger your investment, the greater the return.
How’s your love life? Cold? Distant? Neglected? Close? What kind of deposit did you make today? Whatever you “did’ or “didn’t do” sent a message! 1 John 3:18 admonishes us “let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”(ESV)
When relationships tend to go south, someone usually feels like all they do is give, and all the other one does is take. Are you tired of giving? Frustrated because you don’t feel like you are being loved in return? Paul added in the same “love chapter” that love “bears all things…believes all things…hopes all things…and endures all things” (Vs 7 NAS). Difficult? Yes! But a love soaked in grace, and the oil of deep forgiveness, is essential for a “Love for Life”.
Source:AACC
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Count your Blessings
Turkey and dressing. All the trimmings. Pumpkin pie. Too many desserts. Did you have a great feast? If you partook of a traditional Thanksgiving, you took in between 3000 and 3500 calories. Not to mention breakfast and those midnight munchies. You spent all year counting your calories...and now what? Walk it off? Smile. That is a lot of walking! And now it is time to start counting calories again just to prepare for all of those Christmas parties coming up.
While we are counting, let’s consider counting something else...Blessings. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with Blessings...” (ESV) Sure, the news is depressing. It seems that trouble and trials are around every corner. But could this not be partly from our perception? Our focus often runs to the hard things. The struggles. What if we turned our attention to all of the ways we are blessed?
Do this. Get a notebook and just start writing down your personal blessings. If you are reading this, then you are blessed with eye sight. Write it down. Next? The ability to write. See how this works? As you begin to “count” your blessings, you will be amazed. And you will realize that your life actually abounds with blessings.
In the Old Testament, God told His children to make “memorials”. Often it was a simple pile of stones designed to call to memory all of the good things that the Lord had blessed them with. He knew how easy it would be to forget…and to focus on the negative. Your list can become your “memorial”.
Source: AACC
While we are counting, let’s consider counting something else...Blessings. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with Blessings...” (ESV) Sure, the news is depressing. It seems that trouble and trials are around every corner. But could this not be partly from our perception? Our focus often runs to the hard things. The struggles. What if we turned our attention to all of the ways we are blessed?
Do this. Get a notebook and just start writing down your personal blessings. If you are reading this, then you are blessed with eye sight. Write it down. Next? The ability to write. See how this works? As you begin to “count” your blessings, you will be amazed. And you will realize that your life actually abounds with blessings.
In the Old Testament, God told His children to make “memorials”. Often it was a simple pile of stones designed to call to memory all of the good things that the Lord had blessed them with. He knew how easy it would be to forget…and to focus on the negative. Your list can become your “memorial”.
Source: AACC
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanks In Thanksgiving
This year, don’t miss the THANKS in Thanksgiving...
Traditions. Turkey...Dressing...Pumpkin pie...Football...Macy’s day parade. All fun. And for many, a part of family gatherings. Traditions that give us pause to share warm memories, and the opportunity to make new ones. Occasions to relish in the old traditions passed from generation to generation, or perhaps, to even begin a new one.
Holiday. A time to knock off for a day. Rest. Relax. Forget the bills, the problems, the pressures of life. Slow down from the hectic, insane pace that drives us to exhaustion, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Take the day off...and enjoy it!
Attitude. An attitude of self-less-ness. In sports, one bad attitude on the team can, and usually does, hurt the whole team. Self focused and self absorbed attitudes destroy the heart of Thanksgiving. This year...have an attitude...of gratitude...
Nation. Thanksgiving was birthed as a part of our American heritage. The Pilgrims and the Native Americans joined together to establish what is now a favorite annual celebration. Our Nation’s foundation was built on thanking God. Spend some time thanking God for this great Nation.
Kinfolk. Family trees. Of course, it seems like in every tree there is an “old sap” that may be a bit cantankerous (you’re smiling aren’t you?). This Thanksgiving, put aside petty differences and simply enjoy each other. Strengthen relationships, and your family tree will grow strong and well rooted.
Sacrifice. Remembering the ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we can celebrate and “feast” in Freedom. And especially thank our Heavenly Father for His Sacrifice, Jesus Christ His son, freely given, that we might have eternal life…
During your festivities this week, make a special effort to bring alive the “THANKS” in Thanksgiving…
And go easy on the turkey and dressing.
“Enter His gates with Thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to him; Bless His name.” Psalm 100:4 (ESV)
Source: AACC
Traditions. Turkey...Dressing...Pumpkin pie...Football...Macy’s day parade. All fun. And for many, a part of family gatherings. Traditions that give us pause to share warm memories, and the opportunity to make new ones. Occasions to relish in the old traditions passed from generation to generation, or perhaps, to even begin a new one.
Holiday. A time to knock off for a day. Rest. Relax. Forget the bills, the problems, the pressures of life. Slow down from the hectic, insane pace that drives us to exhaustion, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Take the day off...and enjoy it!
Attitude. An attitude of self-less-ness. In sports, one bad attitude on the team can, and usually does, hurt the whole team. Self focused and self absorbed attitudes destroy the heart of Thanksgiving. This year...have an attitude...of gratitude...
Nation. Thanksgiving was birthed as a part of our American heritage. The Pilgrims and the Native Americans joined together to establish what is now a favorite annual celebration. Our Nation’s foundation was built on thanking God. Spend some time thanking God for this great Nation.
Kinfolk. Family trees. Of course, it seems like in every tree there is an “old sap” that may be a bit cantankerous (you’re smiling aren’t you?). This Thanksgiving, put aside petty differences and simply enjoy each other. Strengthen relationships, and your family tree will grow strong and well rooted.
Sacrifice. Remembering the ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we can celebrate and “feast” in Freedom. And especially thank our Heavenly Father for His Sacrifice, Jesus Christ His son, freely given, that we might have eternal life…
During your festivities this week, make a special effort to bring alive the “THANKS” in Thanksgiving…
And go easy on the turkey and dressing.
“Enter His gates with Thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to him; Bless His name.” Psalm 100:4 (ESV)
Source: AACC
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Bitterness
Have you ever had to deal with bitterness? I know I have, and here are some tips I hope and pray will help you.
1-Acceptance
Make a list of the persons who have hurt you.
Next to each name, write what you needed from that person.
Next to that, write how it made you feel when that person did not meet your need.
In the last column write whether you think that person will ever be able to meet your need. Be honest.
Accept your loss and grieve it.
2-Forgive
Ask God to help you forgive. Forgiveness is letting go of anger and your quest for revenge. Realize that you are powerless to forgive through your own strength, but God does not ask you to do something without giving you His strength and power to do it.
Ask God to help you feel compassion for your offender. Psalm 78:38 says that God is full of compassion.
3-Break the Chain
Bitterness often runs through families: When a parent does not meet a child’s needs, that child can become bitter and is then unable to meet his or her own child’s needs. The chain can continue through several generations.
Ask God to help you break the chain with your generation.
If you have a bitter parent, see your parent as an emotional cripple. Just as you would not expect a person in a wheelchair to run a marathon, don’t expect an emotional cripple to meet your needs—he/she cannot. Ask God to help you have pity for that person.
4-Look Elsewhere
Find somewhere else to get your needs met. If you are an emotional orphan, God will provide people to meet your needs.
Be proactive and look for those God has provided to meet your needs.
Join a women’s or men’s group, or look for a prayer partner.
If your mother did not meet your need for love and acceptance, find an older woman in the church who would be willing to mentor you. She can give you the love and acceptance your mother never could. The same action is helpful in a father-son situation.
If your husband or wife will not meet your need for friendship and intimacy, look around and see if there is a friend (of the same sex) or family member who is willing to be your friend and kindred spirit. Give of yourself to that person and meet each others’ needs.
And remember, God wants you to forgive so you can be free from the destructive power of bitterness.
Source: AACC
1-Acceptance
Make a list of the persons who have hurt you.
Next to each name, write what you needed from that person.
Next to that, write how it made you feel when that person did not meet your need.
In the last column write whether you think that person will ever be able to meet your need. Be honest.
Accept your loss and grieve it.
2-Forgive
Ask God to help you forgive. Forgiveness is letting go of anger and your quest for revenge. Realize that you are powerless to forgive through your own strength, but God does not ask you to do something without giving you His strength and power to do it.
Ask God to help you feel compassion for your offender. Psalm 78:38 says that God is full of compassion.
3-Break the Chain
Bitterness often runs through families: When a parent does not meet a child’s needs, that child can become bitter and is then unable to meet his or her own child’s needs. The chain can continue through several generations.
Ask God to help you break the chain with your generation.
If you have a bitter parent, see your parent as an emotional cripple. Just as you would not expect a person in a wheelchair to run a marathon, don’t expect an emotional cripple to meet your needs—he/she cannot. Ask God to help you have pity for that person.
4-Look Elsewhere
Find somewhere else to get your needs met. If you are an emotional orphan, God will provide people to meet your needs.
Be proactive and look for those God has provided to meet your needs.
Join a women’s or men’s group, or look for a prayer partner.
If your mother did not meet your need for love and acceptance, find an older woman in the church who would be willing to mentor you. She can give you the love and acceptance your mother never could. The same action is helpful in a father-son situation.
If your husband or wife will not meet your need for friendship and intimacy, look around and see if there is a friend (of the same sex) or family member who is willing to be your friend and kindred spirit. Give of yourself to that person and meet each others’ needs.
And remember, God wants you to forgive so you can be free from the destructive power of bitterness.
Source: AACC
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sibling Rivalry
If you or someone you know are a parent to multiple kids you more than likely have experience sibling rivalry, I know I have and here are some tips that can be used to lessen or eliminate it altogether.
1-Love Your Children and Don’t Show Favoritism.
Ask any son or daughter who the favorite child is in the family and you may get an answer—pointing to the rival. Sibling favoritism offends and infects the heart of a child and leads to feelings of inferiority, anger, resentment, and even bitterness.
The Bible story of Esau and Jacob is a prime example of how favoritism damages a family. We learn in the book of Genesis that the father of the boys, Isaac, preferred Esau while the mother favored Jacob (25:28). This led to deceit between the parents and to Jacob’s stealing Esau’s birthright and blessing.
In many families there is no favoritism, and you must challenge your children’s false belief that there is. You know that you love each of your children completely, but that you also have a different relationship and behave differently with each one. It is essential to know each child’s particular love language and to communicate your love in that style. You must constantly discuss this essential difference in how people receive love until your children get it—which may not be until adulthood or when they themselves have children.
2-Don’t Compare
Most siblings are already very sensitive to the competitive aspects of their relationships with brothers and sisters. Instead of asking themselves, How good am I at this? they ask themselves, Am I better than my brother [sister] at this?
It is best for parents to avoid directly comparing their kids to one another. You can comment on your children’s gifts and uniqueness apart from their siblings. For example, while it is good to say, “Jane is great at soccer, and David is a whiz at piano!” it is not good to say “Jane is better than David at soccer, and David kicks Jane’s butt at music.”
3-Counter Jealous Feelings
Often jealousy is at the heart of sibling rivalry. If an older sibling is experiencing jealousy of a younger sibling, try the following techniques:
Help the child verbalize his or her feelings.
When children are able to verbalize their feelings, they are much better equipped to understand them and cope with them. However, verbalizing feelings is not a simple process for children. For example, can you imagine a young child saying, “Mom, Dad, I’ve been feeling a bit neglected and insecure since my little brother came along and I could really use some more attention. Specifically, I would like us to spend more one-on-one time playing games together like we used to.” Yeah right! Children are much more likely to act out their frustrations. Only through practice and coaching can a child learn to describe their emotions and needs verbally.
Kids want attention, and even though it seems backwards, for some children bad attention is better than no attention at all.
Therefore, a good way for parents to improve a child’s behavior is to attend to good and okay behaviors and ignore the bad ones. For example, if your child behaved well while getting her shoes on, tell the child, “Thank you, honey. I am very proud of how good you are. You put on your shoes quietly when asked.” If your child misbehaves by putting up a fuss, ignore the behavior—don’t give her more attention.
Show the child the privileges of age.
All adults recognize that age has its privileges, but kids don’t always see it that way—especially when there’s an infant getting gobs and gobs of attention. Point out all the privileges of age to the older siblings. What are they getting because they are older? If they’re not getting many, give them some!
Hope these help.
Source: AACC
1-Love Your Children and Don’t Show Favoritism.
Ask any son or daughter who the favorite child is in the family and you may get an answer—pointing to the rival. Sibling favoritism offends and infects the heart of a child and leads to feelings of inferiority, anger, resentment, and even bitterness.
The Bible story of Esau and Jacob is a prime example of how favoritism damages a family. We learn in the book of Genesis that the father of the boys, Isaac, preferred Esau while the mother favored Jacob (25:28). This led to deceit between the parents and to Jacob’s stealing Esau’s birthright and blessing.
In many families there is no favoritism, and you must challenge your children’s false belief that there is. You know that you love each of your children completely, but that you also have a different relationship and behave differently with each one. It is essential to know each child’s particular love language and to communicate your love in that style. You must constantly discuss this essential difference in how people receive love until your children get it—which may not be until adulthood or when they themselves have children.
2-Don’t Compare
Most siblings are already very sensitive to the competitive aspects of their relationships with brothers and sisters. Instead of asking themselves, How good am I at this? they ask themselves, Am I better than my brother [sister] at this?
It is best for parents to avoid directly comparing their kids to one another. You can comment on your children’s gifts and uniqueness apart from their siblings. For example, while it is good to say, “Jane is great at soccer, and David is a whiz at piano!” it is not good to say “Jane is better than David at soccer, and David kicks Jane’s butt at music.”
3-Counter Jealous Feelings
Often jealousy is at the heart of sibling rivalry. If an older sibling is experiencing jealousy of a younger sibling, try the following techniques:
Help the child verbalize his or her feelings.
When children are able to verbalize their feelings, they are much better equipped to understand them and cope with them. However, verbalizing feelings is not a simple process for children. For example, can you imagine a young child saying, “Mom, Dad, I’ve been feeling a bit neglected and insecure since my little brother came along and I could really use some more attention. Specifically, I would like us to spend more one-on-one time playing games together like we used to.” Yeah right! Children are much more likely to act out their frustrations. Only through practice and coaching can a child learn to describe their emotions and needs verbally.
Kids want attention, and even though it seems backwards, for some children bad attention is better than no attention at all.
Therefore, a good way for parents to improve a child’s behavior is to attend to good and okay behaviors and ignore the bad ones. For example, if your child behaved well while getting her shoes on, tell the child, “Thank you, honey. I am very proud of how good you are. You put on your shoes quietly when asked.” If your child misbehaves by putting up a fuss, ignore the behavior—don’t give her more attention.
Show the child the privileges of age.
All adults recognize that age has its privileges, but kids don’t always see it that way—especially when there’s an infant getting gobs and gobs of attention. Point out all the privileges of age to the older siblings. What are they getting because they are older? If they’re not getting many, give them some!
Hope these help.
Source: AACC
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Settle It
Today we close the series on anger with the last action step, and that is that we must settled the issue.
A plan should be made for follow up, perhaps:
Finding an accountability partner
Individual counseling
Joining an anger management group
Considering medication.
The most important thing is to actively continue spiritual growth if we are going to effectively manage anger. The Bible says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Remember to:
Surrender—to the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16)
Reflect—on the mercy and love God provides (Ephesians 2:4)
Pray—admit to God feelings and regrets (Matthew 5:43-45)
Forgive—choose to let go of resentment and bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Avoid—ruminating and revenge (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 1:13)
Give and receive—mutual respect with those close to you (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Love—even those who anger you (1 Corinthians 13)
Remember—what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger (1 Samuel 19:9-10)
Resolve—the anger issues (Ephesians 4:26)
Underlying issues such as deep emotional wounds that have been identified in counseling need to be considered. Make plans to work on such issues through additional counseling and support groups.
There is a wonderful conclusion. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Source:AACC
A plan should be made for follow up, perhaps:
Finding an accountability partner
Individual counseling
Joining an anger management group
Considering medication.
The most important thing is to actively continue spiritual growth if we are going to effectively manage anger. The Bible says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Remember to:
Surrender—to the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16)
Reflect—on the mercy and love God provides (Ephesians 2:4)
Pray—admit to God feelings and regrets (Matthew 5:43-45)
Forgive—choose to let go of resentment and bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Avoid—ruminating and revenge (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 1:13)
Give and receive—mutual respect with those close to you (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Love—even those who anger you (1 Corinthians 13)
Remember—what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger (1 Samuel 19:9-10)
Resolve—the anger issues (Ephesians 4:26)
Underlying issues such as deep emotional wounds that have been identified in counseling need to be considered. Make plans to work on such issues through additional counseling and support groups.
There is a wonderful conclusion. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Source:AACC
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